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Self-Confidence is NOT Self-Esteem!

Can you be confident but still have low self-esteem? Yes!

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence comes from the trust you have in yourself. In other words, self-confidence is experience. The more experience you have, the more confidence you will have in being able to accomplish a certain task.

This is easy to see. The more practice you get (experience), the better you will be at something. If you need more dteails about top rated propane fire pits – click here. Hence, the more confidence you will have in yourself (the self part) regarding that specific thing.  But life is not just one thing. You can be self-confident in one area of your life and lack self-confidence in other areas. This means that you can be self-confident and still be insecure. One interesting thing to note is that without self-confidence, you need courage to face new challenges, because you do not yet have the experience to be confident that you can meet the new challenge.

The important thing, then, is to teach our kids to be courageous! So that they can go out there into the big wide world and tackle new challenges. They may not be confident in whatever that specific thing is, but the hope is that they will be confident in eventually being able to meet that new challenge face on. The more challenges they face and conquer, the more experience they will gain in dealing with uncertainties. And if I can raise my children to be excited about the new challenges instead of being afraid of it, I would have done my job well. And what is life without a bit of butterflies in our stomaches?

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem goes beyond and is much deeper. Self-esteem is an emotional appraisal of his or her own self worth. In Social Psychology, Smith and Mackie defines it thus, “The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluation of the self, and how we feel about it.” In fact, I believe that self-esteem is an essential ingredient in developing the courage to face new challenges.

People mistakenly believe that self-confident people do not brag and place themselves on pedestals.  However, it is people with high self-esteem who do not brag and prop themselves up. It is people with high self-esteem who truly derive internal happiness from their positive self-worth. So how can we raise our children to have high self-esteem?

12 Tips to Build Your Child’s Self Esteem

I attended a new parent seminar.  The presenter was a child psychologist who also had an extensive experience working as a guidance counselor in the public school system. There, I learned that as a parent, raising your children with high self esteem should be one of the top priorities. A kid with a high self esteem is a resilient kid, able to weather the many curve balls life will throw at him or her. Below are twelve useful tips for building your child’s self esteem.

Compliment in a way that builds self esteem

  • Clearly and explicitly explaining to your child what the child did right.
  • Focus on positively reinforcing and complimenting the process, not the end result.
  • Acknowledge the child’s feelings and compliment the motivations behind the child’s behavior.

Misguided ways to compliment that hurt self esteem

  • Unilaterally doling out compliments by putting labels on the child (“You are a genius!”).
  • Complimenting from the parents perspective and not the child’s (“See how well you did by listening to me!”).
  • Complimenting through exaggerations and comparisons with others.

Discipline in a way that builds self esteem

  • Disciplining with sympathy and understanding.
  • Disciplining by teaching integrity, clearly explaining right and wrong.
  • Having patience to let your child make the decisions.

Misguided ways to discipline that hurt self esteem

  • Criticism and comparing with others.
  • Disciplining through fear.
  • Linking the past and present behavior together (“Why are you always whining whenever we eat?”).

If you would like more details and examples of the above, please subscribe.  When you subscribe, you will receive the eBook 12 TIPS FOR RAISING A KID WITH A HIGH SELF-ESTEEM that goes into more detail and has many more examples.

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